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January 1, 2010

The last sunset of 2009. Farewell to a tough year….

Five minutes before the start of 2010, we paused our game of Wii golf to watch the ball drop. Chiara lay on the couch, curled up in her new horsie nightshirt, trying to keep her eyes open. The other kids waited patiently for the passage from 2009 to happen so we could get back to our game (which lately is also known as watching Mommy flail around on the virtual green…).

I snapped pictures, randomly, of the moments leading up to what has become, to me, a huge passage. A relief. A chance to finally breathe again.

I always look forward to a new year–it’s become my favorite holiday. I am in love with fresh starts, blank slates, an open well of possibility. It has, of course, occurred to me that the passage into a new year is an arbitrary beginning. Every day holds that possibility, if you stop and think about it. But there’s something about a new year. The changing of those last numbers in the date.

New year’s eve was particularly interesting this time around, thanks to that blue moon and partial eclipse I mentioned in the previous post. So when the moon rose into a perfect evening sky, I shot it (rather badly, I might add) and gave myself over to possibility.

What will 2010 look like?

It will start like this: Working as hard as we can to get the kids back on the regular bedtime schedule which, with the holiday, has gone completely kaput. We’re all getting to bed at midnight, and climbing out again at 10. Or later.

Past that, this new year presents me with a significant challenge and an even larger opportunity. As yet, I’ve been unable to find gainful employment. What rose from this was the decision to stop looking. Just. Stop.

It is time, in the start of this new decade, to reacquaint myself with my dreams. To become more available as a mother. To find the Zen within the chaos that has been my life as a Non Compos Mentis Mama of the highest degree….almost.

It’s time to slow down.

On Monday, I will start a cleanse. My friend, Heidi, inspired me to finally tackle this very personal project…one I’ve wanted to do for years. I’ve always chickened out. But now, I’m not working and have a couple of weeks before I begin an intensive year-long writing workshop…so cleanse I must. I fear the caffeine headaches but am determined to muddle through and succeed.

This year will also offer me the opportunity to further explore my newfound love of cooking. I have grand plans for the garden. I will write until my fingers bleed. I will design some books through Blurb because I want to. Ditto some fabric. I will shoot birds and clouds, everyday.

These aren’t resolutions. I don’t grok resolutions. Rather, these are the wonderful things I will finally have time to do.

There are more but that’s a start. Oh, and one other thing…I will write something here everyday. I will better chronicle my search for sanity in this life as mother to four amazing, wonderful kids.

And become, in a way, a mother to myself.

Here’s to newness.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. SueTighe permalink
    January 1, 2010 1:07 pm

    I always love to read you Ana. You so eloquently pen what I feel with regularity. Here’s to new beginnings, cleansing-physically, mentally and emotionally, and above all else possibility. Happy New Year my friend.

    • ana june permalink
      January 1, 2010 7:44 pm

      Thank you, Sue. 🙂 Yes, a wonderful 2010…I know it will be great! I hope the same for you!

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